Oh
me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of
the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of
myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more
faithless?)
Of
eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever
renew’d,
Of
the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of
the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The
question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer.
That
you are here—that life exists and identity,
That
the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse
-
Walt
Whitman
Living
in Uganda makes you think a lot. Sometimes I can’t even participate in group
discussions because I am overwhelmed with new thoughts and ideas both positive
and negative. The potential for this country, the potential for my
organization, the potential of the children we work with, and the potential for
humanity is so strong yet demanding and dependent. Sometimes it is easier to
shut down rather than to open up and listen. I have strong urges to just shut
down and hide but I fight them (most of the time). At the end of a long day in
Uganda, or really any day in Uganda, unwinding is crucial. Everyone has their
own ways of unwinding and I find that is really helps me to talk about my day
with friends. I am so thankful I had the opportunity to move into a new house
with great people because they really help me unwind at the end of every day.
Most
of us foreigners living in Uganda face so many troubles and problems in our
daily lives (mostly other peoples troubles) there is a point when it all
becomes too much. I cannot bear to hear another tear jerking story about how one
of our kids ended up on the streets and what happened to them while they were
on the streets. I cannot bear to hear about another death that was caused by a
preventable disease. I cannot bear to be presented with another problem I don’t
have a solution for. I cannot bear these things, oh me, oh life. I see so many
problems and so few solutions and this hurts me. I want to find a solution, I
want to fix every problem but I can only do so much. One of my new goals is to
try hard to see solutions rather than problems. I tend to look around me and
see the problems and get overwhelmed by the problems so my goal is to see
solutions.
My
heart is heavy and my brain confused but I will tread on and I will continue
down this road I have chosen. I have read and heard this poem by Walt Whitman
many times before in my life but the other day the poem really spoke to me. I
can feel the pain and anguish in his words and I feel them in my life right
now. His answer to the struggles he sees and faces is the same as my answer to
the struggles I face. The play will go on and I will continue to play a part.
No matter how small my role in this world may be I am contributing a verse and
that verse makes a difference.
I
don’t want these thoughts to make my friends and family back home nervous or
scared for me. I am an eternal optimist and while I have times that are dark
the sun is never far from my mind. Having emotions is a good thing and this
blog is an insight to some of the unique emotions I have had while living in
Uganda. Just to show I really am happy and loving my life I will include some
fun pictures. I’m not very good at being in the pictures but trust me I was
around and I was smiling! More life updates to come soon.
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| Playing with the albino Ugandan girls that live across the street. They bring a smile to my face every time I leave the house and every time I come home. They are the cutest. |
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| Popping Abdul's collar for him |
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| See! Happy times |
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| With the Bukesa Boys |
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| Celebrating John's 30th birthday! |
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| Plastic jugs on bike. How can you not smile at this? |
